New Pro-Abortion Club Holds Ritual Sacrifice at Trinity University

Trinity University is home to a new pro-choice club on campus, and they are not afraid to call themselves radical pro-abortionists. Tigers for Abortion (TFA) is kicking off their stint on campus with a rally (socially distanced for COVID-19, of course) to celebrate their cause of freeing pregnant women from their parasitic offspring.  “We really […]

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Young Conservatives of Texas Secede from Trinity University

Early in the morning on Thurs. April 1, the Young Conservatives of Texas (YCT) chapter at Trinity University declared their intention to secede from the university.  In a statement sent to the administration, President Nathan Darsch declared that “with the retiring of Dean David Tuttle, my members and I can no longer be sure that […]

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Trinity University Proposes New Policies to Help Students be Less White

Last week, the Trinity University Diversity and Inclusion Task Force released a set of proposals for the future of the university. The intent behind the task force’s recommendations is two-factored: to help the faculty of the student body of the university become simultaneously more racially diverse and more ideologically uniform. These recommendations include introducing new […]

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New Worship Group Joins Campus

Author: H. Lon Rubbard If you’re looking to increase your faith through community, I would recommend looking into a variety of spiritual organizations offered at Trinity such as the Catholic Student Group, RUF, and the Secular Student Alliance. I would like to say, as a Scientologist, I am very impressed with the infrastructure of the […]

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Return of The Wendt

Author: Richard Newsy Late last night (so late that it became this morning), the Editor-in-Chief of The Tower called an emergency meeting with the section editors of this fine publication. In a move backed by tradition, a truly conservative decision to keep the past alive, The Tower will no longer be known as The Tower. […]

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Beto Significantly Sweatier, More Generic

Presidential hopeful Robert Francis O’Rourke, colloquially known as ‘Beto’, unveiled a new campaign strategy that he hopes will achieve greater sweatiness and vagueness. “I say ‘real Americans’ a lot,” said the drenched O’Rourke. “And anytime somebody brings up a political issue, I just mention my son, Ulysses. Isn’t he cute?” O’Rourke’s campaign personnel cited an […]

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Professors Hate Own Field of Study

For his literature course “ENGL-1234: The American Novel,” English professor Erik Woodcock intentionally excludes all American novels. “All that Hemingway and Faulkner and Oates–it just gets so boring,” Woodcock said. “Let’s just look at some Chinese calligraphy and spend a few weeks on V for Vendetta and call it a day.” The United States deserves […]

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Indian Man Accused of White Supremacy

Local Trinity student and military history enthusiast Niraj Sengupta came under fire recently for alleged white supremacist sympathies. Sengupta’s interest in World War II military history has led many liberals to believe that he secretly harbors a hatred of all nonwhite races. “He kept talking to me about something called the pickelhelm,” one student told […]

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